Funny old quotes celebrate the hilarious side of getting older â from creaky joints ðĶī to forgetting why you walked into a room ðŠ. Aging comes with plenty of new sounds, strange habits, and moments that make you say, âI didnât used to do thatâ ðĪŠ. These quotes capture the comedy in realizing that your body has its own agenda and your memory has a mind of its own ð. Get ready to laugh at the wonderfully weird adventure of growing old ð!
New funny old quotes
- Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Mondayâs coming.
- Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.
- I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.
- You can tell youâre getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.
- The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.
- Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.
- Sorry, Iâm late. I found my old CD collection.
- I didnât just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.
- Youâre old if youâre excited to learn how to play Mahjong.
- How old is older? Because Iâm still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.
Top funny old quotes
- Old age is always 15 years older than I am.
- You know youâre getting old when you canât walk past a bathroom without thinking, âI may as well go while Iâm here.â
- Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.
- For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their headâ it expired.
- The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.
- If you have an old house, but you havenât got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.
- âNew password cannot be your old passwordâ makes me so mad.
- Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.
- You know youâre getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.
- I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.
Popular funny old quotes
- I donât like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.
- Old people get so mad when youâre young and tired.
- âStop talking about old drama!â God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.
- I am cassette tape years old.
- I canât wait until Iâm old enough to pretend I canât hear.
- Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.
- You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Prince Charles had to wait 73 years.
- Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.
- You know youâre old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.
- Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Yearâs? Now weâre old and cursing because weâre staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.
More funny old quotes
- Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.
- âAutism didnât exist until recently!â Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?
- Welcome to your 40s. âIâm too old for this shitâ is now your excuse and explanation for everything.
- Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.
- Old people be like âno elbows on the table, itâs rudeâ then say something racist.
- You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.
- We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. âDearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.â
- Kid, I have jeans older than you.
- Old Spice doesnât sound like something you wanna smell.
- Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?
Witty old quotes
- Hereâs to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.
- I am âI canât remember the last time I went out on New Yearâs Eveâ old.
- Youâre never too old to become less of an idiot.
- Iâm not like the other girls. Iâm a 37 year old man.
- How many of yâall are âburn a CDâ and âlime wireâ old?
- Iâm too old to be jingling all the way, Iâll jingle til about five thirty.
- I am âany text received after 9pm will be answered at 6amâ years old.
- If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.
- You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.
- Iâm not old, Iâm vintage.
Funny old quotes remind us that while aging can be a little terrifying ð, itâs also endlessly entertaining ð. From comparing aches like battle stories ðĢïļ to using phrases you swore youâd never say ð, getting older is packed with comedy gold ðĪĢ. These quotes are perfect for anyone who believes that if youâre going to get old, you might as well laugh your way through it ðĪŠ. So embrace the gray hairs, the odd noises, and the endless punchlines that come with every birthday ð!