New funny old quotes

• I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

• Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

• I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

• Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

• You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

• My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

• I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

• No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

• A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

• I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Top funny old quotes

• Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

• You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

• How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

• I was 21 when I was 15, that’s why everything’s boring now.

• Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

• I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

• Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

• Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

• Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

• Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

Popular funny old quotes

• The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

• Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

• If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

• I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

• Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

• Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

• I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

• I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

• We literally used to write an essay by hand.

• Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

More funny old quotes

• When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

• When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

• Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

• You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

• Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

• There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

• I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

• I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

• The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

• Is there anyone here old enough to remember when typing was a class in high school?

Witty old quotes

• Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

• I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

• This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

• I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

• Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

• Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

• It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

• One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

• No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

• I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Funny old quotes remind us that while aging can be a little terrifying 🎂, it’s also endlessly entertaining 😂. From comparing aches like battle stories 🗣️ to using phrases you swore you’d never say 🙃, getting older is packed with comedy gold 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who believes that if you’re going to get old, you might as well laugh your way through it 🤪. So embrace the gray hairs, the odd noises, and the endless punchlines that come with every birthday 🎉!