50+ Funny Coffee Quotes That Prove Caffeine Is Our Only Real Motivation

New funny coffee quotes

• Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

• Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

• Touch my butt, not my coffee.

• I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

• You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

• My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

• I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

• Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

• My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

• My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Top funny coffee quotes

• My plans for today? Same as always: drink coffee and be sexy.

• Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

• “AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

• I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

• Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

• I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

• If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

• Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

• The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

• I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Popular funny coffee quotes

• I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

• Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

• That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

• Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

• When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

• A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

• Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

• I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

• I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

• I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

More funny coffee quotes

• Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

• Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

• They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

• Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

• I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

• Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

• Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

• Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

• Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

• I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Witty coffee quotes

• Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

• Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

• Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

• A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

• Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

• It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

• You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

• I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

• I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

• My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Funny coffee quotes remind us that while coffee can’t solve all our problems, it sure makes us care a lot less about them 😂. Whether it’s juggling too many cups 🥤, talking way too fast 🗣️, or fully believing that coffee is a personality trait 🤣, caffeine delivers endless comedy. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that life before coffee is basically impossible 🙃. So grab your mug, savor the sip, and enjoy the wonderfully funny addiction that is coffee 🤪!