New funny coffee quotes

• Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

• Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

• Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

• If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

• May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

• Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

• I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

• I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

• Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

• My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

Top funny coffee quotes

• Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

• Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

• Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

• How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

• When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

• There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

• There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

• Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

• I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

Popular funny coffee quotes

• I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

• In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

• This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.

• The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

• Coffee is better when you have no work.

• Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

• Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

• Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

• Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

• First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

More funny coffee quotes

• Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

• Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

• Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

• Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

• I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

• The feminine urge to open a coffee shop that’s also a library, a bakery, and a flower shop.

• Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

• How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

• Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

• Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Witty coffee quotes

• Touch my butt, not my coffee.

• I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

• You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

• My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

• I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

• Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

• My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

• My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

• My plans for today? Same as always: drink coffee and be sexy.

• Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

Funny coffee quotes remind us that while coffee can’t solve all our problems, it sure makes us care a lot less about them 😂. Whether it’s juggling too many cups 🥤, talking way too fast 🗣️, or fully believing that coffee is a personality trait 🤣, caffeine delivers endless comedy. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that life before coffee is basically impossible 🙃. So grab your mug, savor the sip, and enjoy the wonderfully funny addiction that is coffee 🤪!