New funny drink quotes

• I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

• Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

• I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

• Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

• Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

• Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

• If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

• I need to have a ginger ale about this.

• People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

• Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Top funny drink quotes

• My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

• Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

• 3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

• Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

• Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

• There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

• I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

• Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

• Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

• The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Popular funny drink quotes

• No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

• Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

• Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

• I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

• I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

• People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

• Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

• As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

• We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

• I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

More funny drink quotes

• Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

• I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

• Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

• The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

• Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

• There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

• My plans for today? Same as always: drink coffee and be sexy.

• Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

• Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

• “AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

Witty drink quotes

• I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

• I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

• Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

• English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

• Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

• If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

• Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

• Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

• The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

• When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

Funny drink quotes remind us that while drinking is often about relaxing 🍹, it’s also full of hilarious missteps 🤣. Whether it’s awkward toast speeches 🥂, questionable drink experiments 🍹, or accidentally gulping way too much 🥴, drinks never fail to add a comedic twist. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that even a simple drink can turn into an unforgettable (and very funny) moment 🙃. So raise your glass, embrace the spills, and enjoy the endless comedy of drinks 🤪!