Funny drink quotes capture the hilarious situations that come with every type of beverage — whether it’s your morning coffee ☕, an innocent soda 🥤, or a not-so-innocent cocktail 🍸 🤪. From spilling it all over yourself 🙃 to “just one drink” turning into several 😂, drinks have a funny way of turning everyday moments into comedy gold. Get ready to laugh at all the little disasters and joyful sips that come with drinking anything 😄!
New funny drink quotes
- Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.
- The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.
- Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.
- There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.
- My plans for today? Same as always: drink coffee and be sexy.
- Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.
- Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…
- “AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.
- I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.
- I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.
Top funny drink quotes
- Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.
- English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?
- Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.
- If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.
- Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.
- Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.
- The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.
- When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?
- I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.
- In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.
Popular funny drink quotes
- I only drink when I people.
- Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.
- Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.
- Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.
- My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
- I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.
- My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.
- Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.
- My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.
- Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.
More funny drink quotes
- Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.
- Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.
- Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.
- Livin’ la vida vodka!
- I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!
- I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.
- Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.
- Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.
- I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.
- I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.
Witty drink quotes
- “Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.
- I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.
- Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.
- You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.
- Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.
- Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?
- My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”
- Know what goes good with beer? Another one.
- I’m not tispy. I’m merry.
- I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.
Funny drink quotes remind us that while drinking is often about relaxing 🍹, it’s also full of hilarious missteps 🤣. Whether it’s awkward toast speeches 🥂, questionable drink experiments 🍹, or accidentally gulping way too much 🥴, drinks never fail to add a comedic twist. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that even a simple drink can turn into an unforgettable (and very funny) moment 🙃. So raise your glass, embrace the spills, and enjoy the endless comedy of drinks 🤪!