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Please twerk; I have just days left.

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The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

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Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they donโ€™t want it.

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That awkward moment between birth and death.

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Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

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I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

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Itโ€™s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

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Most men donโ€™t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

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Life is so dull when you donโ€™t have someone to flirt with.

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Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

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Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

Commentary:
Are these chairs designed by aliens trying to imagine what humans are? ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿช‘๐Ÿ›ธ

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