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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

You don’t know a person until you’ve seen them eat popcorn.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

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12,544

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Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Making waves on Slack:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Spotted on Twitch:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Just shared via YouTube:

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

Spotted on Reddit:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Just shared via WeChat:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Trending via Telegram:

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

1 day ago

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Commentary:
When math jokes give you square roots, embrace your dark side! 😈➗📐

evil, humor, joke, math, number, pun, root

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Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

Making waves on YouTube:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Just landed via YouTube:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Shared recently on Slack:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The only hot singles in my area are in my wallet.

Shared recently on Threads:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

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If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

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I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

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If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

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