New funny morning jokes

• iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

• Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

• Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

• First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

• “Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

• I woke up alive again.

• The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

• Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

• My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

• The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Top funny morning jokes

• I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

• Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

• Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

• Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

• Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

• When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

• Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

• I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

• Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

• That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Popular funny morning jokes

• I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

• This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

• I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

• Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

• How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

• Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

• I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

• Forget all this adulting stuff, let’s bring back Saturday morning cartoons.

• I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

• Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

More funny morning jokes

• Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

• People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

• Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

• My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

• How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

• I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

• Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

• I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

• Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

• The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Witty morning jokes

• My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

• The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

• I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

• Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

• My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

• Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

• I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

• Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

• Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

• Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.