Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

13 minutes ago

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Shared recently on Slack:

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Making waves on Facebook:

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

Live now on Instagram:

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

Making waves on Discord:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Freshly posted on X:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Breaking via TikTok:

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

6 months ago

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

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Commentary:
Looks like your diagnosis is in: you've got a case of political fever! 🤒🗳️ Remember to take your daily dose of democracy and avoid election stress. Who knew that the best cure for this condition is simply turning off the news? 😄 #SymptomsOfPolitics

diagnosis, Google, health, humor, irony, just, politics, satire, symptoms

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

13 minutes ago

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

How does world hunger exist when we can fry air?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

Shared recently on Twitch:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

Making waves on Threads:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Making waves on Telegram:

A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

Spotted on Telegram:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Your odds are greater of being killed by a coconut rather than a shark and this is exactly why I don’t swim in coconut-infested waters.

Trending via Twitch:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

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