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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Why socialize when you could party inside your room with your 10+ personalities?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

36 minutes ago

Users Online

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Making waves on X:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Trending via Snapchat:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Just landed via Telegram:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Just landed via TikTok:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Spotted on Slack:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Going viral on Slack:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a sugar daddy when you can have a glucose guardian? Keeping it sweet and scientific! 🍬🧪 #sweetandsavvy"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

36 minutes ago

Users Online

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

If my neighbors would just talk a little louder I could follow along with their conversation, but no. Rude.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Just shared via X:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Spotted on Reddit:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Shared recently on TikTok:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Making waves on Discord:

Alexa, turn off the planet.

Just landed via Instagram:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

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