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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,608

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Trending via LinkedIn:

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

Spotted on Discord:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Spotted on Messenger:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Making waves on Discord:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

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Commentary:
Looks like the web developer is keen on expanding their search query optimization skills everywhere they go! 🕵️‍♂️🔍 Meanwhile, the SEO expert is probably already eyeing up the bar's meta tags and keyword density for a potential improvement project. 🍻💻 Cheers to a night of optimizing and imbibing in equal measure! 🍹💻🚀

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Twitch this month:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

33 shares on Slack this month:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My life coach traded me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,627

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

Spotted on Messenger:

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Just landed via Discord:

Unpopular opinion: Greek mythology needs more live-action movies. I’m tired of re-watching Percy Jackson.

Going viral on YouTube:

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Ain’t nothing better than knowing you were right when everyone else thought you were crazy.

Just shared via YouTube:

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

Trending via Messenger:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Just landed via Discord:

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

Live now on YouTube:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

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