According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I used to have this mental illness where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.