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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

Not now, Iโ€™m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡บ has bookmarked:

Iโ€™d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, Iโ€™d be like, โ€œOkay, my turn.โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something Iโ€™ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฏ has viewed:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all Iโ€™m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

20 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Making waves on Telegram:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Just shared via Telegram:

If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

Just shared via Messenger:

Adulting looked way more affordable in the 90’s. I feel scammed.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Every morning I regret why I didnโ€™t sleep earlier the night before.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Trending via LinkedIn:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Making waves on X:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Live now on Pinterest:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Just shared via WeChat:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.
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Commentary:
๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿ’ผ "Looks like it's time for billionaires to break a sweat and show off their do-gooder side! Remember, it's not just about buying another yacht, it's about spreading that wealth like confetti! Let's see those philanthropic muscles flex, folks! Otherwise, it might be time to say 'buh-bye' to those stacks of cash! ๐Ÿ’ธ๐ŸŒŸ"

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

20 minutes ago

Users Online

3,459

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

I didnโ€™t ghost you, I saved you from me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡พ has viewed:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

I used to work at McDonaldโ€™s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

โ€œStop bouncing your leg!โ€ Itโ€™s either this or I start screaming.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡บ has bookmarked:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡พ has viewed:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on Telegram:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Spotted on WeChat:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

Seen just now on Telegram:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? Iโ€™m pretty sure itโ€™s eight.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

When people give me directions and theyโ€™re like โ€œyou canโ€™t miss it,” Iโ€™m like, “Oh, you do not know what Iโ€™m capable of.”

Making waves on Slack:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Spotted on Twitch:

One of the kids said, โ€œCamping looks fun,โ€ so tonight weโ€™re watching The Revenant.

Making waves on Discord:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldnโ€™t be happier.

Just shared via Messenger:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Shared recently on X:

I woke up alive again.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Fun fact: The confetti youโ€™ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

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