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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Jan 11, 2026

3,549

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Spotted on X:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Trending via Telegram:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Going viral on Slack:

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

Trending via Snapchat:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Making waves on X:

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

2 months ago

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the shocking revelation! 💸💸 Who knew that being your fabulous self could come with such a hefty price tag? 💁‍♀️💰 Time for a budgeting intervention, perhaps? Or just embrace the fabulous broke life! 😂 #FabulousButBroke"

am, finances, humor, i, money, never, reason, self-reflection, shocked

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

2 months ago

am, cut, donut, expectation, food, half, humor, i, identity, irony, person, self-discovery, thought
As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

5 months ago

age, aging, amazing, bird-watching, birdwatching, creeps, fast, hobby, humor, nature, older, older age, pastime, surprise
Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

1 month ago

achievement, ago, amount, brag, bragging, cooking, five, humor, i, measurement, memory, once, pasta, right, time
Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

5 months ago

ahead, bargain, couple, discount, dollar, Dollar Tree, dollars, humor, joke, just, money, name, needs, price, retail, shopping, store, store name, tree
The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

2 months ago

best, humor, mindset, Monday, motivation, pretend, procrastination, through, Tuesday, workweek
A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

2 months ago

bag, bean, beans, burrito, food, food humor, food metaphor, funny food, humor, joke, just, metaphor, mexican, Mexican food, sleeping, snack

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on TikTok this month:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

11 shares on Discord this month:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

30 shares on Discord this month:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

81 shares on X this month:

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,324

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Sometimes you just gotta say LOL and move on.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Spotted on Twitch:

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Just landed via TikTok:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Freshly posted on Slack:

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

If you ever see me out in public, just know I don’t want to be there.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Just shared via Slack:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

Just landed via Facebook:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

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