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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,720

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Trending via Instagram:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

Trending via WhatsApp:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Broadcasted on Slack:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

Trending via Twitch:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Spotted on Messenger:

I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

Just landed via Messenger:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Breaking via Slack:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

Going viral on WeChat:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

2 weeks ago

Witty text questioning if photographic memories are innate or developed over time.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old question: do we come out of the womb snapping mental Polaroids or do we need a few software updates first? 📸🧠 Maybe our brains need to spend some time in the dark room before they can create those perfect mental snapshots! 🎞️💡"

born, development, humor, memory, people, photographic, question, take, time

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Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

67 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t go chasing waterfalls? The place where many video games hide easter eggs and other rare items?

59 shares on Instagram this month:

The only love triangle I’m interested in is between me, my book, and my cozy blanket.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

74 shares on X this month:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

71 shares on Discord this month:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

91 shares on Discord this month:

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

82 shares on Threads this month:

Your opinions are not my business.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Text her when the moon looks pretty.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I bring a sort of “this isn’t actually urgent” vibe to the workplace that managers don’t like.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,288

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Just shared via Slack:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Just landed via Twitch:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Breaking via Slack:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Making waves on X:

People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Live now on Twitch:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

Going bananas on X:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

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