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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

The final act of love is not texting them happy birthday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,719

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Everything feels like thinking the stripper actually likes you.

Just shared via Facebook:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Spotted on Reddit:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Spotted on Twitch:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Just landed via Threads:

Being a writer means canceling your plans so you have time to write, and then spending hours avoiding writing.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

1 month ago

Witty text about aging and perspective, highlighting the humor of believing negativity is normal.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the wisdom that comes with age! 🧓🏼👵🏼 Who would've thought that the grumpy Smurf was the realist among the bunch? 🤔😂 Maybe we should all take a page out of Grouchy Smurf's book and embrace our inner skepticism! 🙅🏻‍♂️💙 #AdultingLikeASmurf

adulthood, everything, hate, humor, normal, older, perspective, realization, realize, Smurf

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

81 shares on X this month:

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

82 shares on X this month:

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

Bro, you will never rewatch that 7-minute video you took of fireworks. Just live in the moment.

26 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

91 shares on X this month:

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

88 shares on Discord this month:

I bet she doesn’t even laugh at your dumb jokes the fake way I did.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,766

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

Spotted on Telegram:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Just landed via WeChat:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

Making waves on TikTok:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Trending via Pinterest:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Sometimes nature makes art, like trees, waterfalls, and the human butt.

Spotted on Twitch:

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

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