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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,397

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Just shared via WeChat:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Just landed via Slack:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Just shared via Slack:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Going bananas on Facebook:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Live now on WeChat:

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

Just landed via Discord:

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Just landed via Discord:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

2 weeks ago

Clever quote about asking a pharmacy for a secret menu, humorous and playful vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive secret menu of the pharmacy – where you can order a side of extra-strength ibuprofen with a sprinkle of anti-anxiety pills! 🌟💊 Don't forget to ask for the 'pharmacist's special' for that extra kick of mystery and intrigue. Maybe they'll even throw in a complimentary band-aid on the side! 🩹😂"

ask, asking, conversation, humor, joke, menu, pharmacy, secret, secret menu

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Discord this month:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop dating if you have no car.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

65 shares on Slack this month:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

90 shares on TikTok this month:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

20 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes, when you go with the flow you end up drowning with everyone else.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,724

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

Live now on Slack:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Trending via X:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

This post is highly top-secret. You need to forget that you’ve seen it immediately.

Going viral on X:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Being called by your real name in a relationship kinda sounds like a divorce.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

ASAP (as sapphic as possible).

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

Spotted on Reddit:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

Seen just now on Threads:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

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