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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Jan 11, 2026

3,283

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Just shared via Slack:

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

Trending via Messenger:

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

Just landed via WeChat:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Seen just now on Threads:

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

Just shared via Slack:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Just landed via Discord:

Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously.

Spotted on Twitch:

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

Spotted on Telegram:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

Seen just now on Slack:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

2 months ago

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive secret menu of the pharmacy – where you can order a side of extra-strength ibuprofen with a sprinkle of anti-anxiety pills! 🌟💊 Don't forget to ask for the 'pharmacist's special' for that extra kick of mystery and intrigue. Maybe they'll even throw in a complimentary band-aid on the side! 🩹😂"

ask, asking, conversation, humor, joke, menu, pharmacy, secret, secret menu

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

2 months ago

bigger, expectation, humor, i, joke, lot, microbiologist, science, size, today
My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

2 months ago

doctor, hanging, health, humor, joke, just, left, me, medicine, prescription, relationship, Viagra
People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

3 months ago

abs, chocolate, cravings, dieting, difference, fitness, humor, i, need, people, priorities, understand, want
The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

2 months ago

80s, audacity, music, nostalgia, oldy, parents, playing, station
Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

1 month ago

around, being, biscuits, eating, ever, food, got, handed, humor, pretend, room, situation, snack, social, social situation, surprise, sweet, sweets, temptation
Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

2 months ago

back, heartbreak, humor, Instagram, life, media, men, relationships, ruin, social, social media, story, whole

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Twitch this month:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

25 shares on Threads this month:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

65 shares on Threads this month:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

98 shares on X this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

29 shares on Discord this month:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

94 shares on Slack this month:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

74 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

24 shares on Slack this month:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda psycho that there’s a clothing brand called “Banana Republic.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,348

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

“Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight!” Okay, then explain bayonets to me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Just shared via Threads:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Shared recently on X:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

Making waves on Instagram:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Going viral on Threads:

If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

Just landed via X:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

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