Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,490

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Live now on Messenger:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Going viral on Slack:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Breaking via YouTube:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Just landed via Messenger:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Going viral on Facebook:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

0
Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the good ol’ days when TP and eggs were the ultimate weapons of mischief! 🧻🥚 Nothing says "I dislike you, but also appreciate good hygiene" quite like a midnight egg toss. 🌙💥 Just imagine the chaos and the not-so-subtle message it sends to your foes! 🔥😂

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Aura is the real business card.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,376

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Websites need to realize that no one ever, ever wants the site to be able to send them notifications.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Live now on Threads:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Making waves on X:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Just landed via TikTok:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Live now on Discord:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

Going viral on WeChat:

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴