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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡© has shared:

No open job postings for β€œWarrior Poet” found in your area. Please try another search.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡© has copied:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡― has copied:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

My love language is being sent money.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has viewed:

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has viewed:

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has shared:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,467

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Going viral on Reddit:

Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

Going viral on Messenger:

You can pronounce it β€œNude Jersey” and no one will know.

Making waves on Twitch:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Making waves on WeChat:

Going β€œOmgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

Live now on TikTok:

Everybody thinks β€œFree Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

Just shared via Messenger:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

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Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.
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Commentary:
"Who needs a winter coat when you've got last year's padding still intact? πŸ˜‚ Embracing laziness like a boss! πŸ’ͺ #WinterPreparedness"

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Messenger this month:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

94 shares on Slack this month:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

18 shares on TikTok this month:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

99 shares on Threads this month:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,309

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡― has viewed:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has viewed:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ has shared:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has downloaded:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

I am cassette tape years old.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has shared:

If I’m out drinking and β€œPush It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has downloaded:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has shared:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Just landed via Reddit:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

Just landed via Telegram:

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Making waves on Discord:

I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Going bananas on Telegram:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I was 21 when I was 15, that’s why everything’s boring now.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

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