Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?
  • Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?
  • I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.
  • Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.
  • Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.
  • Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.