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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

Going viral on Threads:

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Spotted on X:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

Just shared via Slack:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Trending via X:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Trending via WeChat:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

Funny abandonment quotes

Funny abandonment quotes bring a lighthearted twist to a tough topic 😂💔. They turn feelings of being left behind into moments of laughter and relatable humor 🤪✨. Whether you’re moving on or just need a chuckle, these witty lines remind us that sometimes the best way to heal is with a smile 😄💬. Ready to laugh off the drama? Let’s dive into some playful wisdom! 🎉📚

New funny abandonment quotes 👇

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

7 days ago

abandoned, abandonment, biological, biological weapon, dark, dark humor, development, early, engineering, humanity, humor, left, satire, weapon
Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

1 week ago

abandonment, due, health, humor, irony, issues, mental, mental health, self-awareness, yes

All funny abandonment quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hope the next time you’re stressed, it’s because you’re choosing between Japan, Bali, Switzerland, or the Maldives.

79 shares on Threads this month:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

94 shares on Slack this month:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

65 shares on X this month:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a yearning disability.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,381

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Just landed via WeChat:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

Just shared via Messenger:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Making waves on WeChat:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Going bananas on YouTube:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Spotted on Twitch:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

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