Funny atonement quotes

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.