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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

What is it called when you’re smart but everything you do is freaking stupid?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,496

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

Going viral on Twitch:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Freshly posted on X:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Just shared via Threads:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

78 Funny buy quotes

Funny buy quotes are the perfect pick-me-up for your shopping adventures! 😄🛍️ Whether you’re splurging on retail therapy or just window shopping, these witty one-liners add a dash of humor to your cart. With a sprinkle of sarcasm and a pinch of truth, they make every purchase a laugh-out-loud moment. So, buckle up for a rollercoaster of giggles as you dive into the world of hilarious purchasing insights! 😂💸

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Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on X this month:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

30 shares on X this month:

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

58 shares on Threads this month:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just blocked someone for correcting my spelling and it feelded great.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,370

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Trending via YouTube:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Just shared via Twitch:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Live now on Twitch:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Going bananas on Threads:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

Trending via Messenger:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

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