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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2097 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,259

Funny Quotes Topics

14,993

Funny Quotes Images

12,259

3 minutes ago

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on WeChat:

Men love to show you a YouTube video. It is a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Just landed via Telegram:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Going viral on Slack:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Breaking via Snapchat:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Live now on Twitch:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Seen just now on Instagram:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Home » Funny Buy Quotes

56 Funny buy quotes

Funny buy quotes are the perfect pick-me-up for your shopping adventures! 😄🛍️ Whether you’re splurging on retail therapy or just window shopping, these witty one-liners add a dash of humor to your cart. With a sprinkle of sarcasm and a pinch of truth, they make every purchase a laugh-out-loud moment. So, buckle up for a rollercoaster of giggles as you dive into the world of hilarious purchasing insights! 😂💸

New funny buy quotes 👇

1 day ago
Share →: Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, hire a good lawyer and buy a piña colada 🌴😂💸
3 days ago
Share →: Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

Commentary:
Jet skis: the secret ingredient to instant happiness—who knew? 😂🌊💸
4 days ago
Share →: My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Commentary:
Sounds like they’ve been brushing up on their wishlist instead of their budget! 🤑🪥
5 days ago
Share →: Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Commentary:
When you realize you’ve been shopping in the "cloudy parachute" section but they fit like a glove 😂👙🌬️
5 days ago
Share →: Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Commentary:
Oops, guess my wallet had a wild night out with my Amazon cart! 🤦‍♂️💸📦
5 days ago
Share →: My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

Commentary:
Booking flights for fun? It seems like your wallet needs a restraining order! ✈️💸😂
6 days ago
Share →: I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Commentary:
No cake police here—celebrate surviving Monday! 🎂🎉
3 weeks ago
Share →: If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Commentary:
"Looks like we're going bananas with promotions! 🍌🙈🎪 #MonkeyBusiness"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Commentary:
"Sure, money can't buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? 😂💸🌊"
1 month ago
Share →: They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Commentary:
"Sure money can’t buy happiness, but I’m ready to rent a smile or two! 💸😄 #WillingToExperiment"

For even more funny buy quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny buy quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2097 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,259

Funny Quotes Topics

14,993

Funny Quotes Images

12,259

3 minutes ago

3,456

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Every room can be a room with a view when I’m in it.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Reported on Reddit:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Just landed via X:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Live now on YouTube:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Going viral on TikTok:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Shared recently on Reddit:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Trending via Instagram:

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

Spotted on Slack:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

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