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264 Funny comedy quotes

Trending Funny Comedy Quotes 🔥

Celery is depressing green water wafers.
I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.
I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.
Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

More funny comedy quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Commentary:
"Who knew the dire wolf was more likely to make a comeback than Norm Macdonald 😂🐺 Let's hope the world is ready for the return of both legends! #BringBackNormMacdonald"
3 months ago
Share →: Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Commentary:
🤣 "Watching 'The Godfather' is like playing a game of 'spot the Italian' on steroids! 🇮🇹 Who knew there were so many pasta-loving mobsters in one movie?! 🍝😂"
3 months ago
Share →: I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Commentary:
🏆 And the award for Best Performance in Dental Deception goes to… *drumroll* YOU! 🎬🍭 Just imagine the acceptance speech: "I would like to thank my sweet tooth for always being there, even when I had to pretend it didn't exist in the dentist's chair." 😂 #OscarWorthyPerformance #NoCandyConfessions
3 months ago
Share →: Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Commentary:
"Meet Sudden Lee – the lightning-fast sibling who always arrives before you even know it! ⚡👊 Don't blink, or you might miss him in action! 😄 #SiblingRivalry"
3 months ago
Share →: Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Commentary:
Can you picture Pinocchio laying down some sassy burns without his nose growing? That's one heck of a roast battle! 🤥🔥 Just imagine the wooden boy dropping truth bombs with a straight face. 😂 Better watch out, his words might be as sharp as his nose is long!
3 months ago
Share →: Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of 'Wait, what was I saying again?' 🤔 Seems like our attention spans are taking a vacation without us! 😂 Don't worry, you're not alone in this 'thinking up a storm' mode! 🌪️"
3 months ago
Share →: I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Commentary:
"Feeling so tired that even your exhaustion needs a nap? 💤 Sounds like you're on the fast track to becoming a professional sleeper! 😂💤"
3 months ago
Share →: My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Commentary:
"Looks like the tracks of your mind took an unexpected detour! 🚂💭 Hold on tight, next stop: Chaos Junction! 😂"
3 months ago
Share →: Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Commentary:
Oh, the temptation to give someone a gentle reality check in the form of a shoulder shake and a whispered "Nobody cares!" 😂 Sometimes a dose of honesty can be quite liberating! Just remember to shake gently, we don't want any accidental bobbleheads! 😉
3 months ago
Share →: I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Commentary:
Oh mirror, mirror on the wall, why you gotta make me feel so small? 💔 Maybe the mirror needs some glasses to see how truly fabulous you are! 💁‍♀️ Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder… and sometimes that beholder needs a reality check! 😂 Mirror, mirror, go easy on my ego next time! 🪞 #MirrorMirrorOnTheWall #BodyShamingDrama