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3 months ago
Share →: I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Commentary:
Oh mirror, mirror on the wall, why you gotta make me feel so small? 💔 Maybe the mirror needs some glasses to see how truly fabulous you are! 💁‍♀️ Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder… and sometimes that beholder needs a reality check! 😂 Mirror, mirror, go easy on my ego next time! 🪞 #MirrorMirrorOnTheWall #BodyShamingDrama
3 months ago
Share →: Fries, not lies.

Commentary:
"Remember folks: Fries 🍟 are always a better option than lies! Stay crispy, stay truthful! 🤥🚫😋"
3 months ago
Share →: In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

Commentary:
"When it comes to emergencies, it's always better to be over-prepared, right? I guess this person believes in the power of preventive medicine – why wait for an emergency when you can have a doctor on speed dial?"
3 months ago
Share →: People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Commentary:
Don't be a criminal in the grammar world! Remember folks, punctuate or face the consequences – a never-ending sentence!
3 months ago
Share →: I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Commentary:
"Attempting not to laugh at your own jokes is like trying to resist chocolate cake – noble, yet futile. Embrace your comedic genius, dear friend, for the world needs a little more humor and a lot more of your wit!"
4 months ago
Share →: I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

Commentary:
"Who needs relationship advice when you've got Al Bundy as your mentor? 🤣👰‍♂️ Don't forget to rock those white socks with sandals while lounging on the couch! 🧦🛋️ #MarriageGoals"
4 months ago
Share →: We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Commentary:
"We go together like Drunk and Disorderly – a perfect match made in mischief! 🥴🚓 Let the chaos ensue with this dynamic duo! 🤪💥"
4 months ago
Share →: In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old job interview strategy: when in doubt, just channel your inner Jerry Maguire and profess your undying love for the interviewer. Who needs qualifications when you have romance on your side, right?"
4 months ago
Share →: I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Commentary:
"Talk about a versatile talent! Whether it's strumming a tune or cradling a little one, this person sure knows how to handle things with a firm grip… maybe just a bit too firm for the baby's liking!"
4 months ago
Share →: My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Commentary:
Ah, the elusive mind – known to wander off on spontaneous adventures, leaving behind a trail of forgotten thoughts and lost ideas. One can only hope it returns with a thrilling tale or at least a souvenir from its escapades in the great unknown of forgetfulness!