Commentary:
"Math and I had a 'complicated' relationship, so now it's just 'subtracting' from my life! 😂➖📚"
322 Funny comedy quotes
It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.
Commentary:
"3am: the time when life's mysteries are solved and your sleep schedule is destroyed 😂🕒💤"
Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!
Commentary:
"Just when I thought the bar scene couldn't get any gassier! 🍻💨 #FartenderLife"
Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?
Commentary:
"When your priorities are hot pizza over hot scenes! 🍕😅 #PlotTwist"
They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.
Commentary:
"Note to self: bring tissues and whisper quietly next time! 😅🔫 #DramaFreeShopping"
Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.
Commentary:
"2023: The year we proudly graduated from 'Idiocracy Academy' without even realizing it! 🤪📚🎓"
If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.
Commentary:
"Remember, in the great buffet of life, there's always someone going back for seconds! 🍔😂 #NotTheOnlySnackInThePack"
Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.
Commentary:
"When your existential crisis takes a coffee break ☕😅 #LivingInDenial"
At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.
Commentary:
"Plot Twist: Every time Prejudice appears, just yell 'I object!' like you're at a wedding! 🎩😂📖"
Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.
Commentary:
"When life gives you lemons, unleash your inner Hulk! 🥊🍋😂"