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6 months ago
Share →: A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

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"A large group of people is called an 'eww, no thank you' – or as introverts like to call it, a nightmare come true! 😅🙈 #TeamSolo"

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Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

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I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

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Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

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Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

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I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

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Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

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We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

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It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

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I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

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My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

Breaking via Twitch:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Making waves on Twitch:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

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When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Seen just now on Threads:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

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Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

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Funny eww quotes

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Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

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I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

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I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

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