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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Being a writer means canceling your plans so you have time to write, and then spending hours avoiding writing.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,397

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Going viral on Twitch:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Breaking via Pinterest:

Coffee is just goth water.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Trending via Messenger:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Just landed via Slack:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

Just shared via Twitch:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Seen just now on Threads:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Funny floor activity quotes

New funny floor activity quotes 👇

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

4 weeks ago

1, 50, activity, after, age, age humor, calling, floor, floor activity, gift, gift wrapping, gifts, help, holiday, holiday preparation, holiday spirit, humor, preparation, spirit, stand, standing, standing up, struggle, wrapping

All funny floor activity quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Are you gonna meow for me or what, bro?

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

67 shares on Slack this month:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

You’ll never see Asian parents kissing, hugging, or in any form of romance, but boom, 5 children.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

Just shared via Threads:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Spotted on Messenger:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

Going viral on YouTube:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

When the weather gets warmer, I will become unstoppable. As long as it doesn’t get too warm, then I will be stoppable.

Live now on Twitch:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny floor activity quotes

New funny floor activity quotes 👇

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

All funny floor activity quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨