48 funny fruit quotes - Wordgag

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

May 30, 2026

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

May 30, 2026

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

May 30, 2026

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

May 30, 2026

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

May 30, 2026

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

May 30, 2026

Love low-hanging fruit. Easiest kind to obtain, in my opinion.

May 29, 2026

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

May 29, 2026

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

May 28, 2026

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

May 28, 2026

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

May 28, 2026

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

May 27, 2026

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

May 27, 2026

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

May 27, 2026

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

May 27, 2026

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

May 26, 2026

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

May 26, 2026

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

May 26, 2026

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

May 26, 2026

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

May 26, 2026

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

May 25, 2026

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

May 25, 2026

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

May 25, 2026

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

May 24, 2026

If he doesn’t like your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.

May 24, 2026

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

May 23, 2026

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

May 23, 2026

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

May 22, 2026

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

May 22, 2026

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

May 22, 2026

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

May 22, 2026

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

May 21, 2026

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

May 21, 2026

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

May 21, 2026

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

May 21, 2026

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

May 21, 2026

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

May 21, 2026

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

May 21, 2026

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

May 21, 2026

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

May 21, 2026