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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,411

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Trending via Threads:

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Trending via Discord:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Trending via Threads:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is.

Trending via Twitch:

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

Trending via Pinterest:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Making waves on Twitch:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Going viral on Threads:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

114 Funny hot quotes

More funny hot quotes 👇

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

2 days ago

bath, big, bowl, hot, hot tub, human, human soup, humor, joke, relaxation, soup, tub
I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

2 days ago

calling, complaint, dog, dogs, glizzy, hate, hot, hot dog, humor, i, know, language, need, people, slang, stop
Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

2 days ago

coding, grammar, hell, hot, humor, language, nerd, punctuation, semicolon, writing
I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

2 days ago

getting, hot, hotter, i, inform, just, plan, regret, weird
The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

2 days ago

attraction, before, cannibalism, funny observation, glimpse, hot, humor, intimacy, kiss, kissing, love, moment, moments, observation, people, romance, seeing
Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

3 days ago

car, collection, hobby, hot, Hot Wheels, humor, i, over, playful, toy, visit, wheels
It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

3 days ago

account, attraction, dating, hot, humor, Instagram, man, me, media, poorly, run, social, social media
Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

3 days ago

boiling, boiling water, coping, coping mechanism, dealing, girlhood, hot, humor, life, mechanism, self-care, shower, sitting, water
I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

3 days ago

appearance, confidence, Funny, got, growth, hot, humor, i, perfect, personal, personal growth, self, self-confidence, transformation, twenty, ugly
This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

3 days ago

change, heat, hell, hot, hot temperature, humor, i, me, realize, survival, survive, temperature, weather

For even more funny hot quotes, hit next 👇

All funny hot quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Facebook this month:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

94 shares on Threads this month:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

Fun fact: sexual tension is more fun than the sex itself.

17 shares on Threads this month:

Got my mind on my money and my money is nowhere to be found.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

The feminine urge to open a coffee shop that’s also a library, a bakery, and a flower shop.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

Just landed via WhatsApp:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Elevator music is bad on so many levels.

Just landed via Telegram:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Going viral on WeChat:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Just landed via WeChat:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Activity Log ✨

114 Funny hot quotes

More funny hot quotes 👇

All funny hot quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨