We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh. Posted on15 minutes ago
Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear. Posted on24 minutes ago
Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave. Posted on1 hour ago
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer. Posted on2 hours ago
When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid. Posted on3 hours ago
The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day. Posted on3 hours ago
The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking. Posted on4 hours ago
Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens. Posted on5 hours ago
Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water. Posted on6 hours ago
I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is. Posted on6 hours ago
Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation. Posted on7 hours ago
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant. Posted on9 hours ago
They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit. Posted on9 hours ago
If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that. Posted on10 hours ago
Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed. Posted on12 hours ago
Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us. Posted on14 hours ago
Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps. Posted on15 hours ago
Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything? Posted on17 hours ago
If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon. Posted on18 hours ago
I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy. Posted on18 hours ago
You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet. Posted on19 hours ago
You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed. Posted on21 hours ago
That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again. Posted on23 hours ago
If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs. Posted on23 hours ago
Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing? Posted on23 hours ago
Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like. Posted on1 day ago
You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune. Posted on1 day ago
I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti. Posted on1 day ago
I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones. Posted on1 day ago
Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep. Posted on1 day ago