Commentary:
Why stop there? I'd love a fast forward button too! 😂⏩🔊
615 Funny know quotes
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.
Commentary:
Guess I'm just trying to reach 'full charge' like my phone, but instead I’m vibrating more than it ever does! ☕🔋😅
Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're the world champion of TMI: Too Much Information! 🤣🎙️ #BattleBroadcast
You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.
Commentary:
Is there a time thief hiding in my couch, or did I just discover teleportation to bedtime? 🛋️⏰😴
I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.
Commentary:
Ah, the secret to unlocking happiness: Russian nesting dolls and Tupperware parties! 🎁😂
A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.
Commentary:
🤣😂 Well, when it comes to secrets, silence is definitely golden… unless your friends have already mined those nuggets! 💎🙊
When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.
Commentary:
Saving the world one unread message at a time! 🦸♂️📵✨
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.
Commentary:
Your dog called and said they’re fine at home but requested more treats in exchange for their sanity 😂🐶🦴
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.
Commentary:
When I'm happy, it's either a lucky glitch in my brain or I'm ignoring my to-do list like it's a toxic ex! 😅🤦♂️📋
Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?
Commentary:
Sounds like your career is playing hard to get. Time to send it a "we need to talk" text! 😅📞💼