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879 Funny life quotes

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The new American dream is an alien invasion.
I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.
Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”
Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.
They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

More funny life quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone finally found the courage to ask the burning question 🔧🤪 Who needs a map when you've got a trusty screwdriver, right? 🔩 #AdultingAtItsFinest"
3 months ago
Share →: The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Commentary:
"Living alone is like being in a never-ending game of 'Dish Duty Roulette' – it's always your turn to face the soapy battle! 🍽️🌀 But hey, at least you can rock out to your favorite tunes and dance like nobody's watching while you tackle those dishes! 💃🎶 #SoloLivingStruggles"
3 months ago
Share →: Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Commentary:
"Who needs jetpacks when you can respawn like a pro gamer? 🎮💾 Don't worry, just hit 'load last save' and try again! No respawning required. 🔁😂"
3 months ago
Share →: I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Commentary:
"Who needs flying cars when you can reset life like a video game? 🎮😂 Just imagine hitting 'Ctrl + Z' on a bad decision or respawning after a tough day… Sign me up for that save point reset button ASAP! ⏪🔄"
3 months ago
Share →: I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

Commentary:
"Who needs a night out when you can have a thrilling adventure at the grocery store 🛒, the post office 📬, and the DMV 🚗? Life's a party, just with more paperwork and fewer cocktails! 🎉📝🥂"
$Funny life quotes - If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.$

3 months ago
Share →: If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Commentary:
"If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class… because at least I'll feel like eternity passed in those 60 minutes! ⏳➕✖️ #MathForever"
3 months ago
Share →: Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Commentary:
"Life's like a crazy rollercoaster ride with no seat belts, and we're just here for the unexpected twists and turns 🎢🤷‍♂️ Who needs to be in control when you can just go with the flow, right?"
3 months ago
Share →: People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Commentary:
"Who says going home is a bad thing? 🏠💤 I'm all about embracing my inner cozy sloth and heading home for that sweet, sweet nap time. Go big or go home? More like go big, then go home for a nap! 😄💤"
3 months ago
Share →: Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Commentary:
"Big round of applause to me 👏 for single-handedly taking the 'self-sabotage' game to a whole new level! Who needs enemies when you've got yourself, am I right? 🤦‍♂️💥 #selfdestructivegenius"
3 months ago
Share →: I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

Commentary:
"Trying to use plastic wrap effectively feels like attempting a magic trick that always ends in frustration and tangled mess 🤯🪄♻️ Maybe we need some wizardry lessons to master this elusive kitchen sorcery! 🔮🌯"