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Turning my phone addiction into a computer addiction—progress? 😅💻📱
1457 Funny life quotes
Being alive and sentient has been the worst thing to have ever happened to me.
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Proof that even my consciousness has buyer's remorse 😂🧠💭
Life isn’t funny, why should my posts be?
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Life may not be funny, but my post is at least three giggles and a snort worthy 😂🤪 #ComedyGoals
Al guys are like, “We can’t use it to cure cancer, but we can suck all the joy and purpose out of life so that dying isn’t sad.”
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Wow, who needs a cure for cancer when you've got that kind of optimism! 😆🔬➡️🐢💨
My life is a movie, and it has a 47% on Rotten Tomatoes.
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Sounds like a cult classic in the making! 🍿🎬😂
And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.
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Growing older: gaining wisdom points but with a high chance of memory wipe! 🧠✨🙃
I’m sick of waking up thinking about the government, and going to bed thinking about the government.
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Why not dream about a world where your biggest concern is whether your coffee is too hot or too cold? ☕️😴✨
Life is like a game of chess. I don’t enjoy it very much.
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Looks like I accidentally put my queen in the refrigerator again ♟️🧀😂
This email could’ve been sex.
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Guess we need a new category: NSFW (Not Suitable For Waiting 🤪📧💌)
Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.
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Navigating traffic this morning felt like I was on a quest with Frodo 🚗⛰️💍