46 Funny open quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic dilemma of push and pull! It's like trying to navigate your way through a door marked 'Pull' when you're pushing with all your might 🤦‍♂️. But hey, at least now you have the key to unlocking life's mysteries – just remember to use the right word at the right time! 🚪🔑 #WordPlay #PushAndPull"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

  Commentary:
  "Opening up to a woman is like entering the interrogation room with a skilled detective 🔍💬. Beware, even your old embarrassing stories might be brought back to haunt you! 👮‍♀️💭 #ProceedWithCaution"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like we've found the real MVP of air travel – the open mouth cougher! 🤧✈️ Who knew a simple 'ah-choo' could have such power over flight delays? 😂 #FlightEtiquette #HoldTheFlight"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

  Commentary:
  "Using The Force for the real Jedi essentials! 💫🥜 Who needs to battle the Dark Side when you can conquer the shell of a pistachio effortlessly? Priorities, right? 😄 #JediSnackingSkills"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

  Commentary:
  Ah, yes, those pesky household items that turn a simple task into a Herculean challenge! 🙄 It's as if they've been imbued with a mischievous spirit intent on thwarting your every attempt to open that drawer. Who knew a seemingly innocuous drawer could become your arch-nemesis? 😂 Next time you conquer that stubborn drawer, consider it a triumph worthy of an epic quest! 🏆✨

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

  Commentary:
  Looks like it's a tech-savvy dilemma! 📞📺 Maybe try not to confuse the TV with the phone app next time! Technology can be tricky, but you got this! Just remember, the voicemail is not on channel 5! 😂

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the majestic symphony of crackling flames as they consume the evidence of all those questionable decisions. 🔥🔥 Who needs a shredder when you have a cozy fire to handle your problems? Just be sure to invite some marshmallows for a guilt-free alibi! 😉🔥

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

  Commentary:
  "Is it a complete Kit Kat bar, or a pocketful of crumbs? 🍫🔍 Schrödinger's Kit Kat: the suspense is just a delicious way of keeping us on our toes! 😂"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the art of bamboozling with a sprinkle of cunning! 🤫💁‍♂️ Oversharing a buffet of trivial tidbits to distract from the vault of deep secrets? Masterful strategy or just pure genius? 🤔🔒 Either way, it's all fun and games until the important info remains under lock and key! 🗝️😄 #SneakyButStylish"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic grocery store potty tax scheme! It's like a sneak attack on your wallet from the humble loaf of bread to the royal throne. 🍞💸💩 Keep those eyes peeled for the real MVPs of the grocery game – toilet paper and bank accounts!"

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