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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

To think that billions in venture capital have been deployed because it was annoying to copy and paste from ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Trending via Reddit:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Going viral on Telegram:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Spreading quickly via X:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Seen just now on X:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Funny retail therapy quotes

Funny retail therapy quotes are the perfect pick-me-up when your shopping cart is full and your mood needs a boost 🛍️😂. Whether you’re splurging on a little something or just dreaming of that perfect find, these witty sayings capture the joy and guilt-free fun of retail therapy 💸✨. Get ready to laugh, relate, and maybe even justify your next shopping spree! 🛒🎉

New funny retail therapy quotes 👇

All funny retail therapy quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on YouTube this month:

Okay, fall, I see you showing a lil’ leg.

44 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

51 shares on Slack this month:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

10 shares on Slack this month:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

36 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

55 shares on Slack this month:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,255

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Going viral on Messenger:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

Seen just now on Slack:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

How did Satoshi write the code of Bitcoin before Claude?

Spotted on Facebook:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Dating to marry in a world filled with cheaters, situationships, and hook-up culture.

Live now on Discord:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Broadcasted on Threads:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Just shared via TikTok:

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

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