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129 Funny take quotes

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

3 months ago

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

3 months ago

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

3 months ago

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

3 months ago

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

3 months ago

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

3 months ago

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

3 months ago

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

3 months ago

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

3 months ago

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

3 months ago

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

3 months ago

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

3 months ago

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

3 months ago

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

3 months ago

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

3 months ago

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

3 months ago

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

3 months ago

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

3 months ago

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

3 months ago

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

3 months ago