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Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.
I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.
They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.
So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?
I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

More funny take quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

Commentary:
"Who needs small talk when you have deep discussions with your inner monologue? 💬💭 It's like having a TED talk in your own brain, complete with intermissions for overthinking and callbacks for self-doubt. 🤔😅 #ConversationsWithMeMyselfAndI"
5 months ago
Share →: I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Commentary:
"Taking responsibility like a boss when the blame game is a solo act! 🙌😅 #OwnItOrBlameItOnTheInvisibleFriend"
5 months ago
Share →: You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

Commentary:
Well, I must say, you truly do exude an aura of elegance and tranquility that suggests you are the ultimate spa aficionado! 🛁🌹✨ It's like you do more than just sip on chamomile tea – you practically bathe in it with all the floral trimmings! 🌺🕯️ Keep shining bright, lavender bubble bath connoisseur! 🌟😄
5 months ago
Share →: I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Commentary:
"Me waiting for patience to kick in like 🕒⏳… Oh, the irony! 🤷‍♂️😂"
5 months ago
Share →: One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Commentary:
"Looks like those crunches weren't the breakfast cereal variety! 🥣💪 Don't worry, Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither are abs! Just keep crunching away, and eventually, you'll have abs that are no longer 'absurdly' underestimated! 😂 #FitnessStruggles"
5 months ago
Share →: Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Commentary:
🐱📱 "Introducing the purr-fect app for all the cat sitters out there – Litterboxd! Finally, a platform where professionals can rate their furry clients based on claw-some behavior and meow-nificent cuddle sessions. Who knew a litterbox could be so full of digital possibilities? 😸💩 #CatLoversUnite"
5 months ago
Share →: At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Commentary:
"Here lies a real crowd-pleaser! 💐🎉 Who's up for catching the bouquet and continuing this wild ride of life? 😉 #FuneralGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Commentary:
Oh, the eternal struggle between wanting a nap and not wanting to mess up your bedtime routine! 😴⏰ It's like being in the time zone of indecision! ⏳😂 Just remember, there's always Netflix to help bridge that gap! 📺🌙 #TheStruggleIsReal
5 months ago
Share →: Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

Commentary:
"Looks like it's time to Marie Kondo that room before you strike a pose! 🧹📷 Let's tidy up those corners and make sure there are no rogue socks photobombing your selfies! 😆 #CleanRoomCleanSelfie"
5 months ago
Share →: Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic glasses-off, face-in-hands move – the universal signal for 'I am overwhelmed by the sheer brilliance of my own thoughts.' 🤓🙈 Procrastination level: Expert!"