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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Going to all the Halloween parties this year as the Invisible Man.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

“I’m like Sisyphus but with dishes. Dishyphus.”

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,746

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Making waves on X:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Shared recently on Facebook:

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

Trending via Twitch:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

Making waves on Discord:

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Funny video store quotes

New funny video store quotes 👇

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

3 weeks ago

Blockbuster, call, CEO, confirm, humor, job, job title, joke, nostalgia, put, resume, store, title, video, video store

All funny video store quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Slack this month:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Spotted on Discord:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

Shared recently on X:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Just landed via Slack:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Just landed via Slack:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Going viral on Slack:

The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.

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Funny video store quotes

New funny video store quotes 👇

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

All funny video store quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨