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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,789

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Just shared via Messenger:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Spotted on Facebook:

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Breaking via Facebook:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Going viral on X:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Just shared via Slack:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Live now on Telegram:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

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Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Isn't that the ultimate modern-day parental power move? 💪🏼📹 "Oh hey there kids, just letting you know I'm watching 👀… and so are the neighbors 🏡😂. Behave yourselves or the Ring camera might magically start playing 'The Mysterious Stranger' theme song 🎵💀. Just kidding… maybe. 😏"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

68 shares on X this month:

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

32 shares on Slack this month:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

64 shares on Discord this month:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,720

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Gen Z will be like “OMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

Shared recently on Threads:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Just shared via WeChat:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Trending via Telegram:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Just landed via Facebook:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Spotted on Twitch:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Trending via Snapchat:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Trending via Slack:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

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