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Commentary:
"Looks like Gwyneth Paltrow is now giving out dream assignments! 😂💭 Who knew she had a direct line to our subconscious? Better watch out for those goop-inspired dreams, who knows what self-care rituals you'll wake up to next! 🌙✨ #DreamsWithGwyneth"

communication, dream, gwyneth, Gwyneth Paltrow, humor, i, last, me, message, night, paltrow, plan

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

1 month ago
change, confidence, decision, different, every, growth, humor, i, life, life decision, life plan, need, personal, personal growth, plan, realize, self-awareness, unexpected
Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

1 month ago
before, expectation, gift, humor, joy, never, orgasm, present, relationship, surprise, ugly, ugly present
The web is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.

1 month ago
friendship, great, house, humor, internet, let, never, online, people, place, social, web
Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

1 month ago
artist, courtroom, duty, funny situation, humor, imagine, jury, jury duty, lines, situation, sketch, sketch artist, stink, stink lines
Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

4 months ago
before, deja, deja vu, feel, humor, joke, poop, same, shit, vu, wordplay
I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

1 month ago
agree, broke, employment, equality, generation, good, humor, i, job, jobs, love, misconception, people, previous, society, stereotypes, tattoo, work

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Trending via WeChat:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Just shared via Slack:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

Shared recently on TikTok:

It’s amazing to think that a Penguin wrote all of those classic books.

Spotted on Instagram:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

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Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

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Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

The web is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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