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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,247

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Spotted on Facebook:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Breaking via YouTube:

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Spotted on Facebook:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Making waves on Threads:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

2 months ago

0

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like Gwyneth Paltrow is now giving out dream assignments! 😂💭 Who knew she had a direct line to our subconscious? Better watch out for those goop-inspired dreams, who knows what self-care rituals you'll wake up to next! 🌙✨ #DreamsWithGwyneth"

communication, dream, gwyneth, Gwyneth Paltrow, humor, i, last, me, message, night, paltrow, plan

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

0

2 months ago

alone, being, crazy, cuddle, emotions, hard, humor, i, introvert, left, paradox, relationship, want
Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

0

2 months ago

demon, everyone, got, hair, humor, joke, OMG, once, possessed, possession, prank, something, supernatural, transformation
Have you tried complaining about it?

0

2 months ago

advice, complaining, complaint, humor, sarcasm, suggestion, tried
Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

0

2 months ago

blame, communication, deflect, deflect blame, humor, incoherent, incoherent sentence, most, put, put simply, reader, sarcasm, sentence, simply
I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

0

2 months ago

attitude, being, confusion, emotion, feeling, feels, frustration, hate, i, mood, nothing, right, where, wrong
We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

0

2 months ago

chaos, cosmic, cosmic tornado, humor, irony, job, jobs, life, live, satire, sure, tornado

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Twitch this month:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

93 shares on Threads this month:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

87 shares on Slack this month:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

41 shares on Threads this month:

I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

62 shares on Slack this month:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Salary week, but salary weak.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,720

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You’ll never realize how crazy you really are until you fall in love.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Just landed via Slack:

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Breaking via Facebook:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Trending via X:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Shared recently on Slack:

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

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