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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Jan 5, 2026

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Just shared via WeChat:

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

Spotted on Messenger:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Breaking via TikTok:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Spotted on Instagram:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Spotted on Threads:

Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

Shared recently on YouTube:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Just shared via Instagram:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

Live now on Threads:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

2 months ago

0

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, that's one way to fast-track a relationship to 'exit' mode! 🏃‍♂️💨 Who needs a crystal ball when you've already got a clear vision of your future without them? 😂 Better luck next time in the roommate lottery! 🤷‍♀️🔮"

ever, humor, life, meet, relationship, rest, sarcasm, someone, spend, thought, wait

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

0

2 months ago

animal, blockage, blocking, cow, dairy, humor, pun, road, stupid
Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

0

2 months ago

am, awake, humor, i, irony, sleep, sometimes, things, times, worry
I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

0

2 months ago

age, closer, commitment, dating, humor, i, life, life stage, relationship, retirement, single, stage, think
We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

0

2 months ago

both, connection, humor, i, insane, online, relationship, think, web, work
It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

0

3 weeks ago

beautiful, Christmas, complete, email, emails, getting, give, holiday, holiday season, humor, just, people, procrastination, season, sentence, time, work, year
Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

0

2 months ago

appointment, chores, cleaning, dentist, dentist appointment, humor, i, kitchen, laundry, making, plant, procrastination, saw, watered

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

42 shares on Threads this month:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

64 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,308

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

In university, you can literally tell who had no freedom at home.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

You only live once and thank God for that.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

Just landed via Telegram:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Going viral on Slack:

The share button on Reddit should be called Spreddit.

Going bananas on Instagram:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Just shared via Snapchat:

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

Spotted on Reddit:

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Seen just now on X:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Spotted on Snapchat:

People who like sweet potato fries can’t be taken seriously and deserve shame and ridicule.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

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