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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Despite popular opinion, dating apps are NOT for dating. They are for finding people to watch your Instagram story for years and years.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

50 shades of single.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

51 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

Just shared via Messenger:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Seen just now on Telegram:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

Just landed via YouTube:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

6 months ago

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the epic battle of wills between a tiny tyrant and a well-meaning parent! 😂👶🤧 It's a scene straight out of a dramatic soap opera – "As The Snot Flows"! Who will emerge victorious – the fearless mucus-wielder or the resolute nose wiper? Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode of "The Neverending Nose-Wipe"! 💪🏼👃🏼

child, frustration, fury, getting, hell, humor, nose, parenting, toddler, wipe

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

51 minutes ago

3,418

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Come on, karma, do your job.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Making waves on TikTok:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Trending via YouTube:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Spotted on WeChat:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Seen just now on WeChat:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Breaking via Instagram:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I get all the cardio I need by running out of patience.

Seen just now on X:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

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