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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has shared:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has bookmarked:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has shared:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡΄ has copied:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has downloaded:

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

459 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,728

Funny Quotes Topics

17,750

Funny Quotes Images

15,728

Updated

Jan 14, 2026

Users Online

3,526

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on X:

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Just landed via Messenger:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

Going viral on TikTok:

Why do babies cry when they are tired? Like, just go to sleep, bro, no one is stopping you.

Trending via Twitch:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Just landed via Discord:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Trending via WhatsApp:

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Making waves on Messenger:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the epic battle of wills between a tiny tyrant and a well-meaning parent! πŸ˜‚πŸ‘ΆπŸ€§ It's a scene straight out of a dramatic soap opera – "As The Snot Flows"! Who will emerge victorious – the fearless mucus-wielder or the resolute nose wiper? Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode of "The Neverending Nose-Wipe"! πŸ’ͺπŸΌπŸ‘ƒπŸΌ

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

47 shares on Discord this month:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

You’re like if β€œnope” was a person.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

19 shares on Threads this month:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

46 shares on Discord this month:

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

459 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,728

Funny Quotes Topics

17,750

Funny Quotes Images

15,728

Updated

Jan 14, 2026

Users Online

3,395

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has viewed:

Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has viewed:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Someone from πŸ‡ΆπŸ‡¦ has viewed:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡± has shared:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has copied:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has viewed:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, β€œstop eating that ball, dude.”

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has downloaded:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on Slack:

Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

Just landed via X:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Breaking via Reddit:

Men will ruin your whole life then come back and like your story.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Making waves on Slack:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Live now on Twitch:

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

Freshly posted on Discord:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

Trending via Reddit:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching β€œThanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

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