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Commentary:
"Sounds like that thief just couldn't handle the hard-hitting fashion choices of the homeowner! 💥 Who knew a walk-in closet could double as a ninja ambush? 🕶️🪓 Here's hoping the next intruder at least leaves a note praising your impeccable taste in clothing! 📝👗 #ClosetConcussions"

always, closet, day, enter, fear, head, house, humor, i, irony, thief, things, unconscious

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

1 month ago
affection, awkward, awkward situation, bathroom, humor, i, love, matter, relationship, shower, situation, surprise, trying
If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

1 month ago
confidence, ever, feel, flirt, humor, joke, life, me, missing, playful, romantic, sarcasm, self-esteem
If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

1 month ago
always, away, call, calls, couple, ever, just, me, message, missed, need, text, text message
9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

1 month ago
afternoon, anything, humor, maybe, morning, motivation, optimism, possibility, procrastination, reality, time, tomorrow
People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

1 month ago
actual, age, fold, here, human, humans, i, laundry, motivation, myself, over, parenting, people, promise, snack, snacks
Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

1 month ago
demon, demons, empty, expression, hell, here, humor, sarcasm

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

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Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

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Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

Making waves on YouTube:

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

Going bananas on Instagram:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Going bananas on Threads:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Trending via Instagram:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Going viral on TikTok:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

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I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

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I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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