Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

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I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

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Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.