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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

Shared recently on Threads:

They should invent a grocery store that’s just for me and no one else.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

Trending via WeChat:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Live now on X:

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

Shared recently on X:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

2 weeks ago

Playful, witty quote about embracing life's choices with humor and acceptance.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Whoever said 'you made your bed now lie in it' clearly never experienced the luxury of freshly-made hotel beds 🛏️. I'll happily lie in any bed as long as there's a cozy blanket and some good snacks nearby! 💁‍♂️😂 #LazyLuxury"

bad, bed, great, humor, i, irony, lie, procrastination, relaxation, responsibility, thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Twitch this month:

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

93 shares on Reddit this month:

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

That boring, introverted life you’re living has probably protected you from a lot of harm and bad experiences.

44 shares on Threads this month:

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,752

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

Just shared via TikTok:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?

Seen just now on Facebook:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Trending via Twitch:

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

Spotted on Reddit:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

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