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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,591

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

Just shared via Discord:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Just shared via Threads:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Breaking via Slack:

So blunt, you can smoke my truth.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Spotted on Reddit:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Just landed via Messenger:

My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.

Live now on Snapchat:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Trending via Instagram:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣 "I have sampled the buffet of working life, from employment to joblessness, and let me tell you – the real feast is generational wealth! 🍔👑 Who needs a job when you can just sit back, relax, and let your ancestors' hard work do all the heavy lifting? 💼💰 #retirementgoals"

advice, employment, financial, financial advice, generational, generational wealth, guys, humor, i, joblessness, recommend, recommendation, wealth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on TikTok this month:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Stop asking a clown why he keeps acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

71 shares on Slack this month:

What’s a beginner question to ask for someone just getting into being nosy?

93 shares on Reddit this month:

Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking of starting a religion around cheese.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,676

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Just landed via Slack:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Seen just now on Slack:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I don’t get treadmills, I mean if I walk I better reach somewhere.

Going viral on TikTok:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Going viral on Reddit:

Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

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