I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

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The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.