Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Just your typical case of a rebellious coffee table playing hide-and-seek with your toe! 🤦‍♂️☕️ Better watch out for those stealthy furniture maneuvers in the future! 😆"

broke, coffee, going, i, table, toe, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

0

2 months ago

brighter, eclipse, honor, humor, i, last, light-hearted, me, self-deprecation, someone, wit
I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

0

2 months ago

after, bottom, dance, humor, hurt, i, injury, office, party, shaking, twerk, workplace
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

0

2 months ago

always, drunk, keep, mouth, shut, sober, teach
Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

0

2 months ago

blessing, breakfast, convenience, food, humor, indulgence, leftover, leftover pizza, meal, pizza
If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

0

2 months ago

chin, chin hair, coma, ever, funny request, hair, humor, please, pluck, request
Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

0

2 months ago

advice, care, communication, confusion, everyone, humor, me, misunderstanding, phrase, take, take care, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

ROMO (relief of missing out)

60 shares on Threads this month:

My wife has the worst taste in men.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

13 shares on Messenger this month:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Christmas lights: the only thing bright around here besides my personality.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t even know who’s famous anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Live now on LinkedIn:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

Seen just now on X:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Just landed via Pinterest:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Going viral on Instagram:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Making waves on Twitch:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Breaking via Slack:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Making waves on Instagram:

Changing your mind is an underrated activity.

Going viral on WeChat:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨