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You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

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Summer body? Folks, Iโ€™m cosplaying as a potato thatโ€™s seen some things.

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Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

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Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – itโ€™s my face.

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Unfollowers, take me with you!

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My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

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Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

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I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

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Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

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One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

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I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Commentary:
"Who needs a haunted house attraction when you have little kids around to keep things spooky? ๐Ÿ‘ป No thank you, I'll stick to PG-13 scares! ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿ‘ถ #GhostbustingParenthood"



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