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"Who knew a fitness tracker could be so demanding? 🐾 Better step up your game or prepare for a surprise mess in your living room! 💩 #FitnessFails"

apartment, barks, day, device, exercise, humor, i, me, motivation, poops, steps, taken, technology, today

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75 shares on Slack this month:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

60 shares on Slack this month:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

You can do laundry every day and still be behind on laundry.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

18 shares on X this month:

Next to nothing is a weird place.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I’m sorry to break it to you, but you need a soul to have a soulmate.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

Just landed via Telegram:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Just shared via TikTok:

People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

Trending via Snapchat:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

Trending via Discord:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Live now on Threads:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Spotted on X:

Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Reading about two insects who fall in love in Italy. It’s a Rome ants novel.

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

You wish you had this many chins.

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Reading about two insects who fall in love in Italy. It’s a Rome ants novel.

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

You wish you had this many chins.

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨