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Commentary:
Sounds like you may need a "Sushi" mattress instead! 🍣🛏️ Maybe next time go for a softer option to avoid feeling like you're sleeping on a tempura shrimp! 🍤😄 #CrunchyMattressProblems 🛌🚫

bed, crunchy, food, humor, i, joke, mattress, pun, sleep, Tempura, too

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37 shares on Messenger this month:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

87 shares on Threads this month:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

30 shares on Discord this month:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

12 shares on Slack this month:

Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

37 shares on Discord this month:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Spotted on TikTok:

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

Seen just now on TikTok:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.

Happy new fear!

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.

Happy new fear!

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨