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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,622

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Making waves on Threads:

How does world hunger exist when we can fry air?

Trending via WeChat:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Shared recently on Facebook:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Making waves on X:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Broadcasted on X:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Going bananas on Messenger:

Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

Trending via Reddit:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

2 months ago

0

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the pressure of marriage, where love meets performance anxiety! 💍🎤 Just remember, if your partner's speech is lacking, they can always blame it on nerves or forgetfulness… hopefully not on actually regretting saying "I do"! 😅👰‍♂️

forced, getting, great, guarantee, humor, i, marriage, married, relationship, sad, somebody, speech, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

0

2 months ago

arts, Arts & Crafts, bring, crafts, creativity, hit, humor, michael, Michaels, paycheck, pizza, shopping, spending, store, supply
Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

0

5 months ago

food, humor, over, personality, plate, real, sharing, someone, take
Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, listen, man, memory, never, relationship, remember, rule, something, woman
I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, irony, justice, keep, law, little, notebook, observation, track, tracking
The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

0

2 months ago

client, Epstein, humor, joke, list, Mambo, music, number, parody, tune
When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

0

2 months ago

act, attitude, fast, humor, late, mad, office, rush, walk, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

51 shares on Slack this month:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

85 shares on Facebook this month:

I really miss my family… sized bag of crisps.

94 shares on Threads this month:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Enjoy the time between diapers!

25 folks are currently checking 👀

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Windmill? Big fan.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

In 2007, if you wore a long-sleeve T-shirt under a regular T-shirt, it meant that you liked music.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,477

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

“Are you okay?” No, it’s literally Monday every 15 minutes.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Just landed via TikTok:

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

Trending via TikTok:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Spotted on Discord:

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Spotted on Telegram:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Going viral on Reddit:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Live now on LinkedIn:

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

Making waves on Threads:

I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

Live now on Threads:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Spotted on X:

Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card, and he gives me a $100 gift card.

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